Every Parents Worst Nightmare

We decided to go to Alum Creek beach today and have some family fun. And fun it was! Scott manned Zachary while I handled Lilly, and Abby was her big girl self. I had my doubts about how smoothly this experience would go, but I was pleasantly surprised by how nice the beach was and how the kids took right to the water. About forty minutes or so into the fun, Zach decided he wanted to go over to the playground area so I took him over and Abby came along as well. Here's where the whole beach scene turns into a friggin' nightmare.

We're swinging, we're swinging, we're swinging and then he wants to go play with Abby on this big tugboat shaped jungle gym thing. So we go and he's in and out of the boat, up and down the stairs...I peek up over the edge and ask him if he's Popeye the Sailor Man (and of course he'll never know who that is/was.) Then I turn and walk around to talk to Abby, she and I were counting the stairs she had jumped down. A minute passed (seriously. I didn't even turn my back or talk to anyone else...I was fully engaged with my kids here) when I realized I hadn't heard or seen Zachary. So I call for him thinking he was inside the tugboat. No answer. I call again and start circling the tugboat. No answer. *panic mode is at level yellow* ZACHARY!? Where are you!? I start asking the kids if they see him and the lady standing nearby. No one saw him leave the tugboat, so we look inside again and call for him...no answer, no Zachary. As I think back, I'm pretty sure I couldn't hear anything at this point and I remember thinking "this is like a movie and it's not really happening" but it most certainly was. My child was missing. I'm frantically looking this way and that way, across the parking lot, over to our blanket where Scott and Lilly are, searching the crowd for his bright orange swim trunks. ZACHARY!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Then I looked toward the beach, straight ahead from the tugboat and I spotted his shorts knee deep in the surf - no life jacket. I screamed "Oh F**K!!!", tore of my hat, sunglasses and flip flops and ran like I've never run before. I was like a F-ing gazelle - leaping over blankets and half naked sunbathers screaming my sons name and although it took me a total of fifteen seconds to run the distance it felt like I was running through marshmallow fluff in a dream. Zachary was happy as can be waddling his butt right out to a boat that had docked right at the beach. I got my hand on his arm and I've never been SO overjoyed and seeing red at the same time. I didn't know whether to jerk him around like a whale with a baby seal or to snatch him up into the crook of my neck and never let him go. I actually scooped him up and walked him to the sand, then leaned down to catch my wits and breath while I kept a firm grip on him. He knew he was going to be in trouble too b/c he immediately began chanting "No go home, Mom. No go home!"

I walked him over to the park to retrieve my things and Abby, whom I'd completely left behind in the dust. The mom who had helped me look for Zach said "I really feel for you" in a seriously sweet, sympathetic way that made me burst into an ugly cry. You know the one. That nasty can't stop your lips from curling back over your teeth cry and you heave loud cries that are neither cute nor controllable. I just stood there with my left hand gripping Zachary, my face twisted up in tears and my right hand in the air as if to say "please, I appreciate it, but don't say another word. I'm breaking down here." I was able to compose myself enough to thank her for her comment and concern, and walked back to Scott where I sat in the chair sobbing for joy that I hadn't completely lost my son to a stranger or drowning. And within a minute Lilly began choking on a Cheerio so I had to flip her over and smack her back to get it loose. I've had enough close calls with danger this week - enough for a lifetime. I'm really considering a life as a hermit. I've already got the chin hairs started (yea, it's some post 30 hormonal thing, but thanks to Sally Hansen hair removal treatments I won't have to change my name to Christopher.) I'll just stop waxing and let them grow until I'm too ashamed to be seen in public and have to stay in the house, away from that big, bad world out there.

So - Zachary is safe and not that I didn't know this before, but it's 110% concreted into my mind...when out in public with Zachary, my eyes are not to be taken off of him. This all happened within a minute or two. My son could have drowned within a span of a few minutes and it would have been my fault, and I'm sure that the Lord spared me this suffering. I am SO thankful and will not take the favor for granted.

I need a vacation.


Here are a few pictures of our beach excursion, which despite the emotional trauma was really a fun family thing we intend to do again. :)








The Mostly Immobile Child








The Runaway Kid









The Half Responsible One

Father's Day

Okay, so a blog is an online journal and this one was created so that I could express myself to myself and be honest, no matter who was lurking or knowingly visiting. I give the following expressive thoughts out to the Internet knowing full well that their content may sting certain individuals and stir emotions. My intent is to journal my true feelings so that I can realize who I am in a more visual way. I take the emotions and thoughts that rumble tumble through my body on a daily basis put them on a canvas and arrange them to make sense. These thoughts are who I was and am in the current - there is room for improvement.

Father's Day has become a mixed bag of emotions for me over the years. When I became old enough to recognize the holiday and feel about it, I was usually saddened by the fact that I didn't have a dad around the house to give gifts to or snuggle up with and appreciate. I ALWAYS recognized the father's strength in my mother though. And I'm sure it made my mom's stomach churn, but I always wanted to get my dad a card and/or gift. My parents were never married and to hear stories about their relationship, they were both somewhat in love with each other in the beginning, but circumstances got in the way. My Dad moved to another state for work when I was born and so began a long distance relationship that I never asked for. I pined for him for many years. I held out hope that one day they would realize they really did love each other and I was worthy of breaking up other marriages and uprooting jobs for them to be together again...and live happily ever after. The day arrived, no matter how I begged for it not to, when I did know that it was a fairly tale I'd created in my mind and would never be a reality. It wasn't until I was already a mother before my own Mom told me about her truest feelings of despair and defeat regarding my Dad. Oh, she'd make snide remarks about him here and there, but she mostly let me make my own opinion. As I sit here today thinking about the man I married, what a good and present father he is, I have NO IDEA how my mom raised three children all by herself.

And of us three kids, my dad was the most caring and available. His side of the family was always available to me too and they lived in the same city, so I was able to develop that other half of who I was. Whereas my brothers really did not. Hell, in fact, my youngest brother's dad refused to even admit he was his dad (uh, DNA test proved otherwise, the big jerk), let alone call him or spend time with him. I could always pick up the phone and talk to my dad if I wanted to, and he and his wife always sent cards and gifts on the appropriate holidays. It wasn't at all as it should have been, but that's life, right? Shit happens...families divide...other marriages, other kids, other cities...and we kids deal with it. My mom was REALLY strong, so I had a solid role model and a strict parent to keep me from going either way. She set the road before me and lit the way. I think it was easier for me than it was my brothers. I had the role model of the same gender to be like. They had to find fathers in other men and in our city - good role models were hard to come by. Our maternal grandfather didn't like us, never spent ANY time with us except what was forced on him. Our maternal uncle was a drug addict and a terrible father himself...no help there. So, I blame the fathers for their sons' lack of direction.

A father is irreplaceable. A mother can do her absolute best and raise awesome men, but there is something that men give to their children. I watch Scott with my babies and it brings my soul to the surface. I KNOW it's right and good that he's such a great provider, available daily to them. He reads bedtime books, tells Abby how beautiful she is, wrestles with the older ones, cooks their dinners, wipes baby butts, makes them feel safe. He's in there, in the trenches...being there for them. It's as it should be. It's especially clear when I watch Zachary with him. Sometimes Scott will lay on the floor to watch TV with a pillow folded in half under his head. Zachary will go get a floor pillow, tuck that damn thing in half just like Scott and lay down right beside him mimicking his every gesture. BOYS NEED THEIR DADS!!! I could do every single thing right as a mother but if Scott wasn't here with me, being the male role model...Zachary will not be the full man he should be. I'm convinced of it.

So - on this 30th Father's Day of my life, I really do appreciate that my dad was as available as he was while I was growing up. I still feel the sting of not having that half of my parents around (and that includes my step-mother whom I've grown to love and appreciate over the years. Her wart fell off several years back and I saw the woman she really is. *wink*) but as I said before...life is what it is and I have to deal with the present. I give honor to my Dad for being all that he could be, but my truest, deepest honor is held out for my husband, the greatest Daddy I've ever seen. Watching him be all the things I wished I had growing up somehow fills in the gaps for me.

And I'd be a terrible child of God if I didn't recognize today His holy influence in my life. I can look back through my history and see all the places where something happened, a decision, an event that I had no real control over and yet brought me to where I am today...safe, loved, comfortable...and especially becoming more of a whole person in Him.

Psalm 68 1 - 5

May God arise, may his enemies be scattered;
may his foes flee before him.

As smoke is blown away by the wind,
may you blow them away;
as wax melts before the fire,
may the wicked perish before God.

But may the righteous be glad
and rejoice before God;
may they be happy and joyful.

Sing to God, sing praise to his name,
extol him who rides on the clouds ^[a]—
his name is the LORD—
and rejoice before him.

A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows,
is God in his holy dwelling.

Veggie-tastic

This year we decided to go together with our neighbor and split a full share of crops from a local farmer. Our garden has been a bit neglected recently since being pregnant through last Summer and having two little ones around this Summer (I can't believe Lilly will be ONE in August!). So we let the strawberries take over half the garden this year and only planted a few green peppers and tomatoes (basically b/c I found a guy selling them for $1 for four plants). I tried planting herbs, but forgot to mention that I did so to Scott and when he went in to plant the maters and peppers he thought the herbs were weeds and raked 'em all up. I actually found a few that survived while I was out weeding the other day, so I'm gonna try to nurture them. Our strawberries are producing wonderfully! I pick a big bowl each day. We've had strawberry salads, strawberry Jello, strawberry shortcake and I'm planning to try a recipe for Strawberry Oatmeal Muffins. I'll let you know how that goes.

So anyway - we get a delivery each Tuesday and this week was our second one. The lack of rain or early warm weather kept the crops a little late - we were suppose to start getting them in May. So the first week we got four radishes (which were so yummy), a handful of green onions and a bag of mixed green lettuce. This week though we got a BIG bag of shell peas, a handful of green onions, a larger bunch of radishes and two kohlrabi. Woohoo!!! I thought the peas were sugar snap peas, but one bite quickly made me realize that was not so. WAAY too stringy and hard to eat.

Scott - the pea hater - willingly shelled all the peas for me! This action is what they call irony, I think. I had a picture of him actually shelling, but it also had my right sink full of dishes in the shot and I can't have you all seeing that! I attempted to make Pea Salad with them (after cooking them of course), but it failed miserably and thankfully no one but me felt the sting of loss.

Is it weird that I am happily surprised on Tuesday when I know the veggies are coming? It's exciting! What WILL it be this week!? I wonder. I'll take a picture of the booty next Tuesday so you can all see what I'm getting. Hey - and you know what? Check out this farmer's website. Maybe this is where our community will be headed - buying from local farmers instead of from the too high priced grocery stores. If I could just find a banana and grape farmer nearby - I'd be set.


And completely off topic, but just to make you smile...here's Lilly in her tennis gear and cheer pom-pom. I could eat her face!

Our 9-1-1 Experience

Yesterday was SUCH a good day and then wouldn't you know it...it just HAS to get all rowdy at the end. Right!? Couldn't be anything else around here, for Pete's sake.

Scott had a late meeting, so I did everything in my power to wear the kids out (two hours at the pool, a late night walk/scooter.) We actually got home the same time he did - it was around 9:20-9:30. We go inside and settle the kids in the living room. Scott and I are in the kitchen talking and then Lilly started crying the "hurt cry." We run over and ask Zach what happened. First mistake - leaving him alone with her. Second mistake - expecting a real story of what actually happened in the previous twenty seconds. I scooped Lilly up and cuddled her while Scott shined the light in Zach's eyes. All we could get was that he pushed her and it's only funny b/c when we asked him in our serious parent voice he said he did so in half an "I think I did something right" voice and half in an "I might be in trouble voice." We didn't yell or spank him, just told him that was a big no-no.

Suddenly I noticed that Lilly's eyeball was bleeding!!! Not a lot, just a spot, but of course I couldn't get her to open her eye or even pry it open. Bless her heart! I sat her upright and her eyes started rolling back in her head and she wouldn't keep her eyes open. Scott and I looked at each other with this wild, panicked look and I know we were both scared but not sure what to do or what was wrong. I kept saying "SOMETHING'S WRONG! So we scattered to get our shoes on and go to the ER, but I figured calling 9-1-1 would be quicker. So I did. And here is how the conversation went:

911 Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Me (in a panic): I think I have a problem. I have a nine month old baby here and she looks to have fallen on a coffee table, but I didn't see it happen. Her eyeball is bleeding and her eyes were rolling back in her head and she wanted to go to sleep, I think. But she seems to be okay now. I'm not sure what we should do!
911 Dispatcher: Okay, please hold while I transfer you.
Me (confused): What!? Okay.
Sherrif's Office Lady: Sherrif's office. How can I help you?
Me (getting ticked off): I have a nine month old baby who seems to have fallen and her eyeball is bleeding. I didn't see it happen and she seems to be okay for now, but I don't know what I should do.
Sherrif's Lady (in a snarky, loud voice): Ma'am - where ARE you!?
Me: I'm at home, in my kitchen!
Snarky Sherrif Lady: OKaaaaay. Where is THAT? What is your address!?
Me (seriously pissed off now): Are you kidding me!? It's (address) off of (such and such Road)!!!! *throwing my hands in the air*
Snarky, Nasty Sherrif Lady: Are you in Reynoldsburg!?
Me (completely ready to hang up) YES!!!!!!!!!!
Snarky, Nasty Sherrif Lady: Well, that's the problem. I'm in another city. Do you need a medic? You need to call 9-1-1.

Uh - really!? I cannot believe at this point that this is happening. What if I had a super bad emergency? I'm still in shock really.

So she transfer me to some guy. I really have no clue who he was or if he was with 9-1-1 Emergency or not. I explained my situation A-GAIN and said "at this point I'm not sure if I need to go to the ER or have an ambulance come." He said he could dispatch a medic and it was our call, so we said "go ahead with the medic then." He said some inaudible things and then I thought he said to hold please, so I did. A few minutes later I realized that no one was on the line or coming to the line so I hung up. We waited for at least thirty minutes after that but no medic came.

I put Lilly to sleep and she seemed fine, except for the blood on her eye, which I know can be unsightly but is not usually too painful. Our intuitive diagnosis is that Zachary most likely scratched her as he pushed her down and her eye really stung, which caused her to roll her eyes around and water. She kept rubbing them too so that probably made her feel really sleepy. I'll keep a close watch on her and call the pediatrician this morning.

I guess the lesson learned is if you're in real danger here in my town - don't call 9-1-1 unless you're up for a multi-person conversation and expect no result.

Wash Me, Lord

Last night I took this long walk with my friend Stacey and it was so cleansing. She and I talked ourselves silly and opened up about personal things and our passion for the Lord. I didn't even feel my legs walking most of the time because my mind and my mouth were moving at mach speed, letting out all the things I have been feelings and thinking. Thanks, Stacey!

So this morning I feel refreshed and really desiring for the Lord to wash away all the dryness in my bones. I miss Him and our intimate time together. I want to be in that place again where I can feel his heavenly hand reaching down into my life and opening me up. My life gets so fast paced and my mind darts in a hundred different directions daily, and the first thing that goes is my quiet time with the Lord. It's been awhile since I've felt really spiritually refreshed and I need it.

I was surfing this morning looking for some worship music to refresh me and these two songs ALWAYS open my spirit right up.

May they bless you today so that you feel the refreshing rain from Heaven soaking into any dry areas of your life. He is truly worthy and can fill ANY void you feel in your life.

Stacey sent me this one just now:

Neat Stuff

Yesterday was a pretty cool day!

I drove Abby and the neighbor kids to VBS and while parked there beside the building I got to see (or more HEAR) a big pane of glass fall to the ground from the second story and shatter just feet from me. We were in no grave danger at this point, but the guy in charge was REALLY mad that the church had decided to go ahead with VBS knowing full well there would be demolition happening. I definitely agree. Eep!

Then as I was driving down a major road I got trapped in between a police barricade. Apparently a telephone pole splintered in half and was hanging from the wires. Uh yea - mucho dangerous! I drove by cautiously, me and the other lady who was caught.

At this point I started to wonder if I should find a new route and go back home. The thought crossed my mind, "this could very well be the day that I die." *shiver* BUT, thankfully, I'm here this morning to report that the day did get much cooler.

The little ones and I stopped at Kroger to get some things. There was a fire engine sitting there in the parking lot, so I left sleeping Lilly lie in the carseat and took Zach over to check it out. The fireman in the drivers seat was SOOOO kind to Zach. He offered to let him sit in the drivers seat, but Z was too shy at this point. So the guy hopped out and started sweetly talking to Z, explaining all the details (in kid terms) of what he does and all the cool things the truck does. He flipped on the lights for Zach to see and this excited Z. Then he walked us all around the truck opening each cubby, explaining and even pulled the fire hose out and let Zach hold the end. It was truly C-O-O-L!! By the time we got to the other side Zach was ready to get down and go inside the truck. He stood there looking around with his hands on his hips and the side of his mouth all pinched up in a "Hmmmm?" look. Then he started to explore the big boots/pants, walkie talkies, headseats, buttons, etc. He was completely in a zone and loving it! So - big ups to the Reynoldsburg area fire department! We were truly impressed!

Then Abby and I caught a baby dragonfly in our kitchen window. We were both pretty amazed, but I made her take it outside immediately. As amazing as they look - they are crunchy and loud and I don't like insects! :)

Monogamy Rocks

Really! Is there anything better than being able to have it when you want it, with someone who's safe, trustworthy and clean?? There's no awkward questions or breath checks. You just give each other that look or crassly ask "You Wanna!?" Quick and dirty. Long and loving. Two A.M. rendezvous are THE BEST! And a little insight into my marriage - we can be totally not talking for days, giving each other those snitty looks and jabs, cold shoulder and all...and still crash into each other on a couch or floor or washing machine or whatever will hold our weight. Woohoo!!!

And to my parents...if you've made it to this point in the post you deserve a medal. No one wants to think of their little boy or little girl doing THAT!!! We understand...we're 100% sure that our parents are celibate. *wink*


Thy lips, O my spouse, drop as the honeycomb: honey and milk are under thy tongue; and the smell of thy garments is like the smell of Lebanon. From the Song of Songs