He Sings to Me

Okay, so I realize that this is going to sound extremely corny, but there is a reasoning behind it.  Stick with me.  So when I hear love songs on the radio, especially ones like Bruno Mars and this new one from One Direction, I imagine that Jesus is singing the song about me.  *putting a bag over my head*  Yep.  I do.  It looks and sounds goofier now that I type it out.

Here is why I do this.  Jesus is safe to me.  I can imagine Him singing these lyrics to me and REALLY meaning them with NO intentions behind them except to bless me.  Up until I met my dear husband, all the men I ever dated or had relationships with hurt me.  None of them loved me perfectly, even my Dad and EVEN my dear husband.  None of us are perfectly loved (or love perfectly) like God intended us to be, although some of us are blessed with loved ones who really are over the moon for us and put us first.  I have been blessed with family and husband who does see me for who I am and love me amazingly well. Huge blessings to me!!  But so many of us are still imperfectly loved or not loved enough or sadly, not at all.  Some of us feel empty in that area, and well I know when I feel emptier than I should that Jesus is a safe source of love.  I don't have to perform to earn his love. He doesn't expect anything from me in return to give me his love and attention.  And to boot, HE WANTS TO LOVE ME!

So I Googled how Jesus adores me and the Scripture Zephaniah 3:17 popped up in the search.  Has anyone ever heard of Zephaniah?  Me either.  That must be one of the least referenced books in the Bible bc seriously, I was like...where the heck is ZEPHANIAH!?  So Zeph says:

¹⁷ The LORD your God is with you,
   the Mighty Warrior who saves.
He will take great delight in you;
   in his love he will no longer rebuke you,
   but will rejoice over you with singing.” 

Kaboom!  He takes great delight in YOU and WILL REJOICE OVER YOU WITH SINGING!  See, I knew there was a reason I do this!  I don't hear Jesus singing over me while I sleep at night or while I'm scrubba-dubbing the dishes, but whenever a love song comes on the radio I sense Him deep within whispering to me "this is how I feel about YOU, Christy!  I love and adore you, and I am enraptured by how your hair flips and how your smile reminds me of my creation.  I delight in who you are JUST BECAUSE of who you are."  Seriously, who among us doesn't want to melt into THAT kind of love!?

Yesterday I found myself overwhelmed by life AGAIN.  Come on, it's a lot for MANY of us!  And so I was crying in my big blue van and praying from my heart..."Jesus, I just need a big huge hug.  I mean a real hug with arms around me and my head of your chest."  I didn't feel any arms or chest at the moment, but I did stop crying, wipe my face and move on with my evening.  Then today as I'm driving around in my big blue van running errands it was song after song after song of these lyrics about how the guy adores this girl and appreciates who she is just for who she is, and how he sees her even though she doesn't think she's seen.  And then my heart squeezed tight in my chest and I felt Him say "this is your hug, baby girl. This is how I feel about you and you never have to look anywhere else for the filling.  I rejoice over you in song."   No man or songwriter can contend with the poetic love of Christ, and I rejoice over Him that He loves me so fully.

Enjoy this song and next time you hear it or another love song, imagine Jesus singing to you. :)

Oh, Happy Day!

So, if you're on my Facebook you know that my family has been going through quite a bit. With the business being run from our home as of last June, our house has been busy and bustling away. But recently my dear husband has discovered that he has a very large kidney stone in one kidney (that had him wracked with unimaginable pain and vomiting for nearly a week ending in a several day hospital stay) and another about half the size in his other kidney. And then right after we get him semi-settled and pain-free my dear eldest daughter turned a wrong corner and is dealing with severe abdominal pains, vomiting and diarrhea. We tried to let it take it's course, thinking it might be a bug, but after a full week of resting and no relief, we went to the doctor. That began a battery of testing for her as well.

All this on top of coordinating every day life in the Baker household and juggling my other weekly responsibilities. This Momma was getting a little exhausted to say the least. After going to an overnight retreat that I spoke of in the last post I am so happy with how I've been handling all the juggling. It's no longer juggling and looking for others to say "Great job! Bravo! Encore!" It's now me juggling with a rested center, eyes looking up at the Creator and saying "Thank you, Father, for creating and growing me into this amazing wife and mother who can manage all of these things, and still have more than enough to give to each of my children and husband as they need me emotionally and spiritually." I realize now...I'm no longer striving to be that Proverbs 31 woman. I AM her. I'm not trying to look like her anymore. I look totally different on the outside and I have different loves, stressors, goals, desires, etc...but inside, she and I are made of the same strong stuff and we go to the very same unquenchable source that is Jesus and the Father.

This makes me very happy today. But you know what else makes this a happy day??? I get emails from our health provider that updates me with our account information (what we owe, etc.) and you KNOW they've been sending me emails daily, if not twice a day to update me. Each time I've looked and the amount we owe is higher than before, up unto $25,000+. Talk about DEFLATING!! Ugh. Well this morning I had an email from them and I expected the same thing, a higher amount or at least for it to say "your insurance has paid all that it will pay and this is what you owe. Your right arm and leg should cover a portion of it." Doesn't it feel that way? Especially when you are self-insured. But today, my friends. Today, it said "your insurance has paid nearly all of the amount and here is the fragment you owe." AHHHHHHH! BIG RELIEF! Thank you, Jesus! So I run in and tell my dear husband who comes in to check it out with his own eyes and I said "couldn't you cry!?" to which he says "I just prayed about this in the shower."

**beaming from ear to ear** Seriously, I ask you, how much more can a woman ask for!?

God IS in the details

So many times I've heard people say "God is not in the details of my life. He sets life in motion and then gives me free will to make the choices I will make." I'm not one of those people who say that. I don't think I've ever really believed that, although admittedly I've questioned Him on it. "Dude, WHERE.ARE.YOU!? I'm floundering here." Thankfully I met Christ in a very vulnerable spot as a young person and he came to me as a friend, not taught to me as this overpowering, stand offish, can't be touched God.

I went to a leader's retreat this past weekend in the beautiful Hocking Hills and had a really fun time. I got a lot of great information about myself that really turned around my beliefs about who I am and how it affects my daily life. What was really cool though is what happened a few days after the retreat.

In the first exercise Chris asked us to take a walk for about 20 minutes out in the beauty of the hills, take some time to think about the lies we are believing about ourselves and then ask God to give us a symbol (a visual, tangible symbol) and bring it back if we find one. So I walked and I thought and I recorded the lies that I believed. Then I remembered "Oh yea, I need a symbol. Lord, what is my symbol? Can you give me something to take back to the group?" I'm looking and looking and then in my mind I thought of an eggshell. And quite honestly I'm like, HOW is an eggshell a symbol of the lies I believe? So I start mulling it over trying to make it fit, all the while still searching for this miracle egg that certainly would just happen in my path and OH how cool would THAT be! And, no. No egg. No nests. No broken eggshells of any kind. So I go back to the cabin and listen to a few people share what was revealed to them, but certainly kept my own to myself bc heck I couldn't even make sense of what I got, let alone articulate it to a whole group.

Then a few days later I was catching up on my Bible study "The Names of God" and it was the day for "Lord the Creator." The author talked about the intricacies and science behind snowflakes. Did you know it could snow for years and not two snowflakes would ever be the same!? Well, in one exercise Mary Kassian asked us to research one thing in nature that interested us and see how God spoke to us through that and immediately the egg popped back in my mind. Isn't God amazing? I forget from day to day what I have going on and am suppose to do but something from three days ago pops right in there. So a'Googling I go! An egg is QUITE amazing. Did you know it is completely hard but also completely porous? Yep - 17,000 (plus or minues) pores in it yet just inside the egg is a membrane the protects the embryo from any bacteria reaching it. SO cool.

Okay, so an egg is very very strong because of it's arched shape and yet so very fragile that a tiny little egg tooth and crack it from the inside. And immediately it made me think of my own heart. Eh? Why? Because I thought "Well, my heart has two arches, so my heart must be very strong! Isn't God so cool to make us a doubley strong heart with two arches!?" Ha ha, wait a second. Back to Google. I check the images for the actual image of a human heart. *stunned awe* It's NOT actually shaped like the heart we learn to draw in Preschool?? Are you kidding me? Heck no, peeps, it's actually shaped like...wait for it...AN EGG!! Ta-dah!! It's oval in shape and bigger at the top getting smaller to the bottom. Oh be still my heart. *tongue in cheek* No seriously, at this moment in the study I'm stopped and in awe of God. He gave me this picture of an egg three days prior and I'm trying to wrap it around the lies I believe to make it fit. Maybe it's a broken egg and I'm realizing how fragile I really am. Uh, no! No, no, no. God made our hearts STRONG and AMAZING and TOUGH to break. God wasn't pointing me to how frail, broken and breakable I am. He was showing me how strong and amazingly/THOUGHTFULLY designed I am. God IS in the details. He always has been. He watched us as we were forming in the womb (also egg shaped) and has not taken His eyes off of any of us. He knows the number of hairs on our heads, which for me is an ALL DAY task of keeping up bc you should SEE the amount of hair I shed!

All this to say...God shows up. He speaks. He listens. He meets us right where we ask Him in and He is definitely in every decision we make. Once again, I am in awe of HOW COOL our God is. :)

PINTEREST NIGHT AT DISCOVERY CHURCH!!

Okay - so it's here! It's time! YAY! Ladies Night at DC and we've decided to do Pinterest Night. Fun, right!?


WHEN: Friday March 2nd
TIME: 7:00 til we drop.
WHERE: Discovery Church www.dcclive.com 750 Cross Pointe, Suite L Gahanna WHO: YOU and whomever you'd like to bring.


So, here are the crafts you can choose from ORRRR you can check your own pin boards and bring one you want to work on.

RIBBON WREATH

For you to gather:

• 12″ foam wreath form

• 24 yards 1 1/4″ black grosgrain ribbon (or less if using a wider ribbon) (I'D SAY FIVE SPOOLS OF RIBBON or you could use a yard or two of a Eastery tulle fabric!)

• Scissors

• Measuring tape

Steps:

• Cut 45-50 16″ pieces of ribbon.
  

• Tie one strand of ribbon in a knot around the wreath. I used a “messy knot” — right over left, then right over left again, pulling in the opposite direction. It doesn’t really matter how you do it as long as you are consistent all the way around. Repeat with the knots, pushing them close together, until you fill the wreath.
  

• Cut one long piece of ribbon (48″) and tie one end to form a knot. Leave a long loop for hanging and tie another knot onto the wreath.
  

• Trim any frayed or long ends. (I like clipping the ends into two points!)
  

LETTER BLOCKS

For you to Gather:

• 3, 4 or 6 blocks (depending on word). Our blocks measure approximately 3.5 inches. (Check Hobby Lobby!)

• 3 coordinating scrapbook papers to match theme (more to cover top and bottoms of block)

• Decoupage Glue - We like ModPodge's Matte Glue (Check with your friends - we may be able to share!?)

• Printer - Our Lovely Brittany has offered to bring her Cricut machine!!
  

• Scissors

• Foam Brush

• Sandpaper

• Sanding Block (Not really needed, but it goes a long way to saving your hands during the sanding process!) (LOWES has a sanding block with the sand paper in one!)

• Pictures formatted to fit your blocks.Distressing ink (If you'd like to there is a photo wizard linked below to help you. I think for time sake this time I'd just trim my own photos by hand. I'll be bringing a scrapbook paper trimmer and a large self healing mat and rotary cutter.)
  

STEPS:

Step 1:
Determine the theme that you want to display. Our Letter Blocks .pdf provides letters for the following words...OR we can use the Cricut machine.
L-O-V-E
F-U-N
B-O-O
J-O-Y
F-A-M-I-L-Y
Pick coordinating paper to match your word choice (i.e. fall colors for BOO, red's and green's for JOY, etc.). 12x12 scrapbook paper works great.

Step 2:
Prepare your pictures. You have two options here. Either print each picture to be at least as large as your blocks. Use the edge of the block to trace around each picture and cut away the excess. Or, you can use the Photo Wizard to get your picture to the exact size that is needed for this project. Cut each picture to size.

Be sure to print your pictures using a LASER printer! Ink jet colors tend to smear when they get wet!!

Step 3: The cut ends of the wood absorb more glue than the grained ends. Before beginning this step, apply a thin layer of glue of glue to the ends with the rougher (cut) surfaces. Let glue dry.

Apply a thin layer of glue to the first side of one block. Place picture over glue and press in to place. Remove any air bubbles. While the glue is drying, repeat the process for other blocks. Check for overhanging paper edges. It is important to WAIT for the glue to dry before attempting to remove any excess paper. Add picture's 2 and 3 following same procedure. Once all of the picture are in place, add one letter square to each block. Complete this step by adding a decorative top and bottom paper square to each block. Don't worry about matching sides. A random look is great!

Step 4:
Once the glue is dry, carefully sand the edges of each block. Add a distress look by rubbing ink or chalk along the sides of each square to darken the exposed wood and remove any white paper edge.

Remember, sky is the limit on creativity with these projects. It's not cookie cutter crafts, so bring your own flavor to the table. Got questions!? Let me know!! scbaker@insight(dot)rr(dot)com

Can't wait to see you there!

Dear Dad,

It's been a month now since you've been gone and we are all still sad. It's been so very hard on Nita. She's so lonely and unsure and missing you so badly. Dad, will you give her a sign that you are there? Will you remind she's not completely alone and beckon the angels to release peace over her during the hardest, quietest, loneliest times? She needs to tangibly feel the presence of the Father and of you to comfort her broken heart. Dad, we miss you so much.

Did you see that I framed some pictures of you on my coffee table? I keep the one from your funeral on my kitchen counter so that I can look at your face every day. It was so very hard to see you laying in that casket, not moving and void of life. As your body laid there Nate and I stood by you not really sure what to do, say or think. Your two kids, barely adults ourselves thrust into losing a Dad and forcing us into a new phase of life. A life without a Dad.

I love you, Dad, and I am SO thankful for the time we got to have this year. Thank you for the memories and for the amazing legacy you left behind. I hope that I make you proud with the way I live life and love others around me. Watch over me Dad. Remind me to BE AMAZING and live this life to the absolute fullest. Your passing so early made me realize that I really need to make the most of every week I'm given. I don't want to spend my weeks focused on laundry, cleaning up the house and managing the bill. It's made me think more about what I'm focusing my life on, standing up more for what I think, believe and want. God has a plan for each of us, an individualized plan that will grow us as individuals, as givers as we bless others with the overflow of our abundance and as believers as we step out on faith each time you call us out of our comfort zone. Dad, remind me to not become complacent in life. Remind to trust the Spirit as He asks me to go further than I want to go. Remind me to love bigger and more selflessly.

I have faith that you are in Heaven helping to prepare a place, a beautiful mansion, the perfect place for Nita, Nate, Andrea, Jordan, Mackenzie and all the rest of us that you love so dearly.

Love you, Dad!

Christmas 2011

So I'm ALLLLMOST done shopping and it's two days before I need to be ready for Christmas. I've shopped, I've baked, decorated, done the parties, the ornament exchanges, the Christmas programs and I've shopped some more. I've wrapped a few presents and made candy, and you know what I didn't do...I didn't send out a single Christmas card. I KNOW!! It's awful!

There's that "Good Girl" of mine, the perfect Christy in my head that stands off in the corner smirking at me and reminding me of how I could have done it better and all the things I'm NOT doing. Gawd, I'd like to punch her. I was making such good strides learning about how I cannot be perfect and all the striving to be as close to it as I could was really hurting me mentally and spiritually. And then Christmas season hit me like a Mack truck. I keep reminding myself that these things are really all materialistic and people will forgive me if I don't send them a gift or a Christmas card, or a thank you note for the lovely cookies they dropped off. But Perfect Christy keeps needling me about every detail. WHAT IF my mail carrier is secretly hoping that I leave a small token of my appreciation in my mailbox and bc it's not there he'll actually be "accidentally" misdirecting my important mail? What if he is harboring this ill will all year round and every time I wave to him he's actually thinking about how insensitive I am. *shaking my head* It is a sickness I tell ya. I'm loopy. :) He's not thinking that! But these are the things that Perfect Christy reminds me of in these hectic times. And she never gives me credit for all the good and generous things I DO do. Perfect Christy can stuff it, bc you know what? I've done really good things this Christmas season and all my friends and family KNOW I love them all year round and the most amazing Christmas gift isn't going to make or break my relationships with them. Christmas presents are wrapped and ripped open in minutes, but the relationships and the memories are not built on gifts it's what I do with the people I give the gifts to. Boom! That's called keeping it real.

All that said...I'm whipped. I'm done shopping. I'm over the hustle and bustle, the lists and the pressure of Crazymas. I'm ready for Christmas day to be here so I can relish the day with my family and kids just lazing around in our PJs, eating, watching Christmas movies and just enjoying each other.

Merry CHRISTmas to all my friends, family and followers (yes, all seven of you!)

Hiding

I'm hiding from my kids right now. Shh, don't anyone make a sound or else I'll be forced to punch you in the neck. And.I'm.Not.Kidding.

*sigh* I really don't know what's going on with me lately, but I cannot get enough alone time. I find myself trying to nap more, drive more, steal away from the children more and it's never enough. Add on top of that the fact that our children are quite honestly going through an upswing of hyperactivity, and I'm basically ready to split. Not split as in, pack up a bag and catch a Greyhound. No I mean crack, go bonkers, go to the dark side of Mommyhood. I can feel myself griping, pushing them away and hollering for them to QUIET DOWN a lot more and it's not totally just me being tired of it all, they are really acting up more as well. Scott even mentioned it the other night, like "what the heck happened to our kids?" Tonight I took my bowl of lentil soup and tried to sit quietly on the front porch step while I ate it, but the Winter chill was too much and forced me back inside. I hung on as long as I could ducking behind the dead straggles of Clematis hoping it would break the wind enough, but not even close, so in I went. It was the first time this year that I've had that thought "Oh God, this is going to be a long, hard Winter, isn't it?" and panic streaked through my heart.

I don't want to feel this way.

I really don't blame the weather either. I know many mommies have a hard time when the clock falls back two hours and the sunny, warmth retreats to Florida, but it doesn't seem to affect me like that. It's just that I can't seem to get away. I can't get a rhythm of my own bc there is always someone right there with me, begging for attention. Even now as I type this Zach is screeching from downstairs, "MOOOOM. Mooommy. Mom. Mama. Mooooooom? Moooooooooom!? " It's not until I say "For the love of all that is holy, Son, WHAT DO YOU NEED!?" that he'll lower his voice to a whiney girl pitch and ask/tell me what he wants. Ugh.

Lord, I really need your grace during this season. I'm leaning into what I'm feeling, but also acknowledging that it doesn't have to be this way. I don't want to be miserable and crotchety with my kids and I do not want a long hard Winter. Speak to the hearts here and change the moods in this household to LOVE, JOY and PEACE again.