Funny little cartoon there! That's how I feel most of the time! OMGosh, the snacking!
Alrighty, so here I go again on a fast. About a month ago I started yearning for how it was with God and me during my previous fast, so intense, so deep, so tangible that I had it it my head that I'd like to do another fasting period. About a week and a half ago I texted my dear friend and said just that, that I was feeling the need for fasting again, and lo and behold she had already scheduled one of her own to start in about a week. Wahoo! Confirmation for me! I thought so because my ONE fear was that I wouldn't be able to survive the fast without some support of another person's accountability. It's easy to sneak here and there and then the condemnation sets in and you start thinking "oh, I already ate something, so why bother? Then you start modifying the fast and it feels more like you're "white-knuckling" through each mealtime instead of resting in the knowledge that He is enough. I digress. Short version: I was so glad to have a partner to go through this with.
So I prepared my hubby by stating, not so diplomatically either (I was PMSing), that in about a week I'd be starting a 21 day fast (shorter this time than last!) Then I began preparing myself mentally, kinda counting the days and preparing my heart for what my motivations for the fast are.
- 1) To experience God fresh and anew. What I experienced last time was more than I have EVER experienced with Him in all my decades of being a Christ follower and it set the bar. I want MORE this time!
- 2) To focus my prayers in on a few people and situations in my life; to go into battle if need be or just hear God's voice for the situations. In my scatterbrained days I tend to jump from thing to thing to five things in a span of just a few minutes and focused prayer has to be really intentional on my part or it gets filed in the "later" file, and more often than not I'm in complete Praise and Worship mode. Not to say that that is bad, not at all, it's great, but it's not as deep as I'd like to be. During the other fasting time there were nights where I was woken up with a specific thing to pray for or sometimes I woke up and I was already praying in my spirit. Um, wow! When I go deep with Him, I see things and tangibly feel things and it makes my Faith very real right now. It's like I'm getting Heaven here on Earth and HELLO? Which Christian doesn't want that!?
- 3) I really want to break the bondage food has over me and my family. I feel like we are emotionally connected to it and I hate that. I'll go more into that over the next 21 days, but for now it is an Idol in my life. It's how I connect to my husband and the thing that soothes my anger, boredom, fills my spare time, makes me happy, etc. It's taking up space that God wants to fill, for sure. Food has it's proper place in our lives and I want to put it there and keep it there.
- 4) I want to allow God to show me things about myself that I am unaware of but are out of line with what He wants for me. I am a work in progress and I KNOW there are still things that need to be unearthed in me. I just want to open myself up and say "Show me ME, Lord. Show me who I am now, who I am in Christ...CHANGE ME."
So yesterday was Day 1 and it wasn't tooooo bad. I did have a headache, but it wasn't bad at all. Oh, and I do keep coffee in my fast. I may phase it out, but I really don't think it's a factor or anything I HAVE to do. This is my time with Him, my way of taking the pleasure out of something that is getting in between us, clogging my system so to speak. I am doing a juice fast again. Yesterday I had coffee and tea (no sugar), fruit juices (via my Jack LaLanne juicer), V8 juice and Special K Protein drinks. Dinnertime was kinda hard and I found myself handling and putting away foodstuff, wanting to grab something to eat for myself, but my mind instantly snapped back to the plan. :) LOL During the last fast I would dream that I ate food and woke up wondering WHAT in the heck I had done. Hee hee. Day 2 here though and I've had a cup of coffee, my thyroid med and a tall glass of veggie juice (carrots, kale, tomato, half an apple and some pineapple for sweetness). Toughie for me today will be the fact that I'm already tired. We had wicked storms all night long last night and Abby ended up in my bed and me in hers, and apparently there is NO insulation in her walls bc I could hear EVERY raindrop, whistle of wind and peal of thunder. So my eyelids are heavy. The Lord will provide though!!
Stay tuned! I hope in blogging more through this fast that it will demystify the process and encourage others on their journey to give it a try.