Day two was harder than I expected, but I have to remember that the first few days are harder than all the rest. The craving to eat when I'm stressed is STRONG and was tested yesterday a few times. It's important for me to keep the juice and WATER flowing during the day and mentally prepare myself for that dinner hour when the stress level in the house naturally seems to peak. I didn't do that yesterday.
One of the people I'm focusing prayer on called me yesterday afternoon and stirred some things up, and instead of resting in my God-given power I focused in on the issue. I couldn't run to food to help me think things out so I only had raw emotions to run on and my knee-jerk reaction was to run away. "I'M OUT! I don't want any part of drama." That was my exact response. After many text, a few quiet moments to think things through and a perfectly timed insertion of the Holy Spirit I realized (again *sigh*) that I'm not in control, I asked to be USED in this situation to bring Salt and Light and that God is perfectly in control. I realized that what God meant for good (this fasting period and my willingness to be used for His glory in a painful situation/life) the Enemy was trying to make me believe was useless and under my control. *throwing my hands back and up in the air* WHOA! Thank you, Lord, for that revelation! So many times we have this perception that we can control a situation or that we, at the very least, can control OUR part of the situation, but honestly my best attempt at controlling this would be a miserable failure. I LOVE the person in this situation and my biggest prayer is that God would be glorified in that person's life. If I need to be removed from this scenario then God, let it be so! But if I am in any way a stepping stone for this person to get closer to the power and healing the Lord has for them, then GOD, CHANGE ME so that I may be used more effectively in your hands as a tool of righteousness, light, truth and above all else unbelievable love. My initial reaction was to run away from the possibility of being hurt myself or to cause hurt, but this morning as I quieted myself before the Lord I remembered that He is fully in control and that "no weapon formed against me shall prosper." What the enemy means for our pain or bondage shall not prosper. He may try, but will not succeed. He tried to craft this scenario and use my perceived weakness of being hungry and my imaginary grip of Control to bring death into a situation that God is healing...and HE LOST. I'm not weak, I'm not in control! WOOHOO! Remember, enemy, where the head of your army is buried! You know... the head of Goliath, a mountain, a cross...ringing a bell? May the Lord rebuke you, enemy!
Remember, my friends, NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST US SHALL PROSPER! We have victory because our King already marched over this land, over these situations. HE WON, so we can walk in victory!
Oh, and I had five or six crackers last night. No guilt! Just gonna get it out there so no there is no falseness. :)
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