The Turkey Is Looking At Me

Well friends, it's here. I can't believe that it's already Thanksgiving! Actually, I can't believe that every single month of this year, and the year before, I say "I can't believe it's already (insert whatever month or holiday it is)!" and add on "Time sure does fly by when you get older!"

I remember when the holidays were there and expected, but they held no real responsibility for me. In grade school and high school it was when I looked forward to not having to wake up so early and not having to go to school. In college it just meant that I got to go home for awhile and be away from my sweetheart for too long. My mom always did all the work: the cleaning, stuffing the bird, making the sweet potatoes, at least until I was old enough to manhandle cleaning the damned slippery turkey. THAT lovely job always landed on me...oh, and peeling potatoes. *shiver* I still to this day HATE cleaning the turkey. And if it were up to me, and probably when my mom (God forbid) passes away...I will stop the tradition of stuffing the turkey. I don't even like stuffing and I definitely hate putting my hand up inside of a dead fowl's cavity to scrape any extraneous veins and bloodclots out. Can't have those in the stuffing, ya know! Anyway, I'd inevitably whine about having to be a girl and do this awful job, and my mom would inevitably tell me to get use to it b/c being a woman means doing a lot of nasty jobs. Truer words were never uttered! Right, ladies?

One year I did whine enough to get the job handed over to my little brother Adam. For a little while anyway. All he had to do was cry real hard with those crocodile tears and my mom let him off the hook, leaving it to me again. *sigh* Yuck! I can hear the squatty little wobbler mocking me from the fridge even at I type this. Keep it up, Bird! No matter how squeamish your pimply skin makes me...I always get the last laugh. Mwa-ha-ha-ha!!!

This year I will not get caught up in the perfectionism that usually swallows me whole and leaves me limp by the evening of Thanksgiving day. I'm gonna clean off the chunks of whatever the kids have thrown around, kill as many dustbunnies as I can find and put my efforts into welcoming my family into a Thanksgiving meal that will be made with gratitude for every morsel and definitely the people who will be eating it.

Off to start my list! If you aren't feeling grateful for much at all yet this season...may this help get you started in that direction.

Rollercoaster of Life

Do you ever feel like your life is a roller coaster? Well I sure as heck do! I go up, I go down, I go through one of those twists in life that makes my head wanna pop off and my stomach lurch. I whiz past all the onlookers with my mouth open in a silent, desperate scream and they just smile unknowingly, or maybe they know full well what horror I'm in but they still can't stop the machine. It's that one spot though that tricks me, that one where the car feels like it's slowed down enough for my hair to come back to place and I can breathe again. It's that spot in the ride where I feel like I did it, I got through the rough stuff and, surely the exit is right up ahead. Then the car takes a dive again and up and down and up and down. *sigh* I want OFF this roller coaster.

I was looking back through old posts here the other day and was surprised by how uneven my daily life is. One day it's heartbreak, the next it's chaotic with kids, the next I'm praising God with everything I have and yet the next I'm complaining about something else. And my prayer journal is the same way! I looked back through it this morning, mostly b/c I didn't feel like writing, and one day I was praising for all that I had in my children, home and husband, the next I was asking for forgiveness for how I treated them. The one thing that remains solid through it all though, in belief and in written word, is that I trust God whole-heartedly with it all. I don't give it to him daily, like I should, but I DO trust Him that He is working for the good of me and my family, and that He loves me more than I know.

So if I believe that and write it - then why don't I live it? How hard it is to walk so closely to Him that I do not waiver like a tall blade of grass in the wind. I want to be there, in that Strongtower, safe and secure with Him and be so strong that I do not live by emotions (that change hourly, sometimes by the minutes here) or be moved by every situation I encounter.

I am weary from this roller coaster ride and want to get off. I want the Holy Spirit to change me and change the perspective of my life. All I can see right now is endless screaming and tension in my house (the kids, the illnesses) and my mind easily runs away with me, thinking I have control and MUST change things for the better. "I" have to get the kid under control. "I" have to get a job to pad the saving account. "I" have to organize the cabinets and clutter around here so my husband feels more comfortable. "I" have to stop spending money and clip coupons and make sacrifices so that we can save the pennies and dollars. "I" have to make sure the holiday go off without a hitch and everyone feels loved. "I" have make things right. And why is it always so much easier to see the speck in someone else's eye and not the plank in your own? I can stand here and spout off to Scott that he needs to "calm down, stop worrying so much and giving us all an ulcer with his Doom and Gloom thoughts." Yet here I sit in the quiet and mutter about how it's all going to hell in a handbasket and I can't change a thing, but I must try harder.

So...is this what life is? A series of highs and lows and infrequent breaks in the excitement. If so, how do we as Christians stay even keeled while on this ride?

And then I went to church a few hours after starting this post.

I was so saddened by the fact that I stood there through all the P&W songs, the beginning prayers and such and NOT ONE WORD got through my steely heart and skin. I was SO stressed out and tense that I couldn't even unwind for a moment to enjoy the service. I silently prayed that the holy spirit would move in me because the way I was feeling at that moment was almost scary to me. It was like I was on the outside looking in at the churchgoers and Pastor Steve, and not a part of the body. Now I've been bored before, distracted and just not interested in the message. This was different. I was glaring at these adorable, young, beautiful couples in front of us and trying so desperately hard not to be jealous of them. I kept telling myself to stop and to pay attention to the message, and that they are no different from me on the inside...we're all believers, I'm just one that's more stressed out than normal this weekend.

Then Pastor Steve started to talk about control and how we think we have control over our lives, but we really don't. And then my heart stirred and I started paying attention. I also realized then that I'd been very hard trying to hold back tears of anger and frustration, and when he said the words "we, as Christians, need to let go of the steering wheel and say 'Lord, you take the wheel. I'm not doing a great job here keeping on track. You take the wheel and lead my life.'" The dam broke and my frustrations started leaking out and I knew all too well that I need to do that. I have GOT to stop trying to keep all the pieces together and trying to make everything "okay." It's not okay. It's really crappy right now. Scott's job is not at all secure (though also not lost), our savings is meager (but also there for us), my husband is allowed to freak out and feel out of control too (I don't need to make him feel better, that's the HS's job) and my life is not and cannot be perfect. Life may very well get very difficult for us over the next year, we may even need to be humbled a lot more...but I have that trust in a God who loves and protects and cherishes His children. I have seen God work miracles in lives that were in complete shambles before and He built it back up to better than what it was. So ALL is NOT lost.

And thank you to all of my close girlfriends who are being of great support during this emotional and crazy physical illness time. Neither Scott nor I are ones to ask for help from anyone and I think that is a great lesson of humility for us at this time. Whether it is via Instant Messages, e-mail, a phone call, offering to watch our nutty children or being a prayer partner. I appreciate you!!

A Welcome Sound

We were on the way back from somewhere this morning and Zach was cracking up! All Lilly had to do was look and smile at him and it sent him into rib tickling laughter that even had me cracking up. I quickly thanked Jesus for the Mommy Moment I was having and then grabbed the Blackberry to video it.

It's been nothing but 24 hours, days in and day out of diarrhea, seriously annoying whining, moaning and crying for far too long in this house. We're finally rounding the corner toward better health and I gotta tell you...hearing these two laughing instead of piercing my head with their wailing was like angels singing right there in my van. So I thought I'd share my little piece of happiness that followed SO much crap and maybe you'll forgive me for all the whining I'VE been doing. ;)

And yes, I was being that distracted driver and videoing my kids while driving. You can thank me for the laughs later.

A Girl Can Only Take So Much

For the remainder of this post, as I refer to myself please note that I am also including my dear husband. He has been a good help to me during the night shift.

So let's see...how long have I been dealing with someone being sick? Um, Lilly began her battle with the evil intestinal virus two weeks before Halloween and we're now finishing the third week of November. That's FIVE weeks of her or someone else being ill. Let's not forget that Zach started the quick and dirty flu virus with his 24 hour vomit/diarrhea mess, and then Abby got it and then I got it. Scott sprained his ankle and barely got a sideways glance around here due to the kids being SO overwhelming. Now Zach's been sick a-gain for a week or so with only God knows what kind of virus. He's been insufferable to be around during the day and does nothing but whine and moan all night long. It certainly seems like this stuff will never end.

Like cleaning up feces and vomit aren't bad enough, I also have had to deal with the sick attitude that consistently prevails in this house during the past five weeks. If one isn't whining, the other one is and more often than not...two of the three at any given time are whining, crying, moaning, etc. And like dealing with cleaning up the mess AND dealing with the nasty attitudes aren't enough for me, OH, let's add on a truckload of "don't let Mom sleep for more than a two hour span so that's she's really at our mercy during the daylight hours."

Oh yea, I'm quite sure that the two little ones are holding secret Union meetings behind the couch during the day, discussing who takes which shift in the night and when to lay down the ultimate attack of both grabbing at my pant legs and bawling their eyes out.

Do you know what Zach's secret weapon is? He likes to hold his poo now. Yep, so not only do I get the pleasure of plucking the nasty turd out of his pants when he finally can't hold it anymore and washing his dirty undies, I also get the hair raising task of trying to coax the little shister to either actually poo in his undies or go on the potty. He doesn't want to do either. So he stands around holding both his arse AND his front area while standing on toe and doing the loud whiney ballet around me. It's absolutely one of THE most frustrating scenes to endure, esp while trying to be the good, patient and understanding mommy.

Honestly people, I don't know how much more I can take. Nevermind that I'm dealing with my own sickness, trying to keep the house in fair order, clean regularly and keep the finances in check. I can't even get a full, deep prayer in anymore. I tried to sit down and write in my prayer journal this morning. I figured since they both HAD to be up at 5:30 am, despite them both being awake all night long, I might try to connect with Him and get some sustanance. Nope, I didn't get a few lines into my praise and Lilly just had to get under the table, stand at my knees, bang her head on the table over and over and SCREAM until I picked her up. She didn't need anything at all, except picked up, and as soon as I quit what I was doing and did what she wanted, she was fine. *sigh* I'm a hostage.

Someone call for help! Send word to the government that I need some disaster relief...er, uh, nevermind. I really don't need any more whiney, useless turds to clean up after. *wink*

A Bible Passage

I know this is a little lengthy, but may it bless your outlook today. I have been getting Scriptures from friends lately regarding not worrying or fearing. Let's face it, I'm seriously struggling with those two things at this point in life b/c I'm watching every penny come and go with the paycheck and bills, and I know just exactly how much "cushion" we have in the savings. It's not a comfortable cushion for me.

So, I can choose to listen to Doomsday CNN every day, get caught up in the penny pinching, worry myself into an ulcer, feed into my husband's fears, grasp and claw at our bank account trying to hold on to every dollar possible. OR...I can do what was it humanly possible to be a good steward of the money we've been given, follow Him and trust Him to provide. I never, ever thought about being poor financially as a blessing and that certainly goes against everything the U.S. culture tells us day in and day out. But reading this story in the Bible today, even though I've read it before, has made me see our "cultural plight" in a new light. I'm also reminded of Scott's grandpa who wore an old worn out belt even though the leather was split and peeling back, and despite the fact that he had a perfectly new one that was given to him as a present, because it was still good and did it's job.

May I be more like that from this day on...thankful for what I have, able to see the good use in things despite their appearance and also wise. I will choose to not fret and worry over things I have no control, but trust Him to purify me, to strip away all that is undesirable and carry my family and I through this storm.

Passage Mark 10:17-31: (emphasis mine)

The Rich Man

¹⁷ As Jesus was starting out on his way to Jerusalem, a man came running up to him, knelt down, and asked, “Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?”

¹⁸ “Why do you call me good?” Jesus asked. “Only God is truly good. ¹⁹ But to answer your question, you know the commandments: ‘You must not murder. You must not commit adultery. You must not steal. You must not testify falsely. You must not cheat anyone. Honor your father and mother.'”

²⁰ “Teacher,” the man replied, “I’ve obeyed all these commandments since I was young.”

²¹ Looking at the man, Jesus felt genuine love for him. “There is still one thing you haven’t done,” he told him. “Go and sell all your possessions and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”

²² At this the man’s face fell, and he went away sad, for he had many possessions.

²³ Jesus looked around and said to his disciples, “How hard it is for the rich to enter the Kingdom of God!” ²⁴ This amazed them. But Jesus said again, “Dear children, it is very hard^[b] to enter the Kingdom of God. ²⁵ In fact, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the Kingdom of God!”

²⁶ The disciples were astounded. “Then who in the world can be saved?” they asked.

²⁷ Jesus looked at them intently and said, “Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But not with God. Everything is possible with God.”

²⁸ Then Peter began to speak up. “We’ve given up everything to follow you,” he said.

²⁹ “Yes,” Jesus replied, “and I assure you that everyone who has given up house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or property, for my sake and for the Good News, ³⁰ will receive now in return a hundred times as many houses, brothers, sisters, mothers, children, and property—along with persecution. And in the world to come that person will have eternal life. ³¹ But many who are the greatest now will be least important then, and those who seem least important now will be the greatest then.”

Proof That You Can Be In Karate AND Be A Diva Too

So Abby's been in Karate now for five weeks. A few weeks ago, when it was warm enough to be outside lounging out on the deck without mittens, scarves and coats, I took video of Abby showing off her moves. She's showing you all the basic moves she's suppose to know in order to move on to the next level. But if you ask me...it all looks exactly the same. Punch right, punch left, punch right, Keeyaw!

What you should take note of is the kick awesome sparkly gown she's sporting while being the karate kid. Who needs a gee when you have a yard or two of purple sequins?! You should also note her amazing patience with Zach the tornado who also has the basics of karate down...punch and be loud. What you see there of Zach is basically how he is 24-7, bar his being sick when he actually slows down to a normal person's pace.

Our kids amaze me.