What's Rolling Around in my Head

Most of you who read this already know me personally and know that I come from a split family. My mom and dad were never married and what I gather from stories, they loved each other they just couldn't live with each other. So they split and shortly thereafter I was born and shortly after that my Dad went back to Wyoming. He's an Ohio boy, born and raised here among the cows and corn, but the Wild, Wild West promised better work and a better life and he answered the call. He still calls Wyoming home with my step-mom and "brotha from anotha motha." Over the years I've come to grips with the reality that my parents are NOT getting back together, that I, in fact, DO like my step-mother and that I have to be at peace with this long distance relationship. And I have, for the most part, come to be at peace with it. Unfortunately, it's been at a cost. I've missed out on SO much of their lives out there that I don't even really know them - and they don't really know me. Which is REALLY sad b/c I'm supa dupa awesome! *tongue in cheek*

No seriously, I've missed my little brother growing up. Gosh, he's married now (Hi, Andrea!) and has two children for crying out loud! He and I had three years together, most of which he doesn't remember b/c he was a baby when I lived out there, and then one short Summer, a quick trip to see him graduate and another to get married. Our abbreviated relationship has left us with little to hold on to. It's kinda weird to think that I have this brother out there 1000 miles away that I don't even know well. I couldn't tell you what his favorite color is, what brand of beer he drinks, if he likes cookies or cake or what precisely he does for a living. I know it's at a coalmine! Points for that? To be quite honest, I don't know those things about my Dad either. Sad.

So the cost of living as a split family (one that lives 1000 miles away from each other) is simply losing touch with each other. For me it's always been gifts and calls from my Dad on major holidays and then we'd call every now and again in between. Now as I've grown into an adult with a family of my own, the calls are even more sporadic and far between. Sometimes holidays pass by without actually getting to talk and suddenly half a year has passed and we may have texted each other somewhere in there? And he's not the only one either, I've just recently gotten back in touch with my Aunt Jo, only to find that she's pretty sick. Damn it! And also my "other mother" Aunt Pen who I just LOVE SO MUCH and the distance we've experienced, when I think about it...brings that hard lump into my throat and I have to fight back tears. Even now, the memories of our time together, coffee on the front porch or reading books together or her driving me back and forth from College, makes my stomach twist hard and I have a real need to be close to her again. Great, here come those damn tears.

Shit. I miss my family. I miss my Dad. He's recently having a difficult time in his neck of the woods and rumor has it that he's not taking it all well. So now I have allllll this distance between us (he's not returning my emails either and I'm trying really hard not to be a "girl" and read into it, but I fear the worst all the same) and I know he's hurting, as are others around him, and I just don't have a dog in the fight so I can't jump in there and help or console or anything. I feel completely handicapped. It doesn't help that air tickets out to their neck will cost you your soul. It's not like flying to Chicago or San Fran or even Las Vegas. Nope, it's like $600 a ticket and I know I'd want/have to take a kid or two with me.

So, today will go on for me like it does most any other day. Laundry. School drop off/pick up. Blues Clues and such. But inside of me all of this, and more, will rolling around, brimming to the top of me, stifled down and suppressed again. It is a cost of being part of a split family.

Mrs. Baker, we need to talk

So I go pick up Z-man at school and of course, I'm nervous. Obviously he didn't soil his shorts or I'd likely have gotten a call, so that's cool. I walk into the "Turtles and Mice" hallway - Zach's a Turtle and I find that comical for obvious reasons - and see that every child has a big, wet, red circle painting under their name...except Zach. *sigh* Oh no. I get to the door and the teacher calls Z from his spot in the circle and he comes running to me. Yea, Mommy! I said "I didn't see a painting from Zach and was wondering about that." Her faces twists as she sucks air between her teeth, "Uh yea, Mrs. S would like to talk to you about that. Um, just come in!" Uh-oh. I have visions of Zach timed out in the quiet corner for pouring out red paint or maybe he's brushed out a big red penis or vag? It really could be anything with Z.

So I step inside and teeny, tiny, cute Mrs. S begins, "Well, we were all painting and here the kids HAVE to wear a smock (she grabs this ugly homemade vest that is made of a vinyl table cloth and holds it up), but when I tried to put it on Zach he just simply would not put it on and kept running away from me. So, we were just wondering...has something happened to him, some sort of trauma or does he have a fear of putting things over his head that we need to know about?"

Uh yea, we usually torture him daily by making him wear seriously fugly art smocks so I guess since he has a choice in your class he's just saying hell no.

She was so cute and concerned that it was really hard holding back my need to burst out laughing. I just chuckled a little and said "No, no trauma or major fear that we're aware of." Her eyes were still pleading with me for an answer and I can only imagine the wild chase scene that our turkey of a son sent her on. I just kept reassuring her that it was just as odd to me as it is to her, but honestly I know Zach and he's not the kind of kid who wears costumes or hats, let alone a seriously fugly art smock. I'd like to hope that he'd just do it to be compliant, but he's not that kind of kid.

So I offered to bring in one of his Daddy's shirts, as I've seen him put on the notorious grey T shirts and walk around proudly. The deal is that he wears a smock or else he doesn't participate in the painting project. So - we'll try. Otherwise he just gets to use the markers on construction paper.

Damn, I was hoping to test my skillz by carrying Lilly on my left arm, hold Zach in my right hand AND juggle wet paint art projects. Oh yea, they send them home THAT day, not when they are all dried.

So...needless to say, this should be a really funny and fun school year for Zach, the totally sweet teachers AND for Mom.

Kicking and screaming

Zach is at his first full session of preschool. He cried and threw himself on the floor as I left, but I didn't get a chance to give him a proper good-bye. They were thrusting a paper and clipboard at me saying "you HAVE to sign this NOW." Meanwhile I have Lilly in one arm and Zach standing at my knees frightened. Buggers! My last vision of my son's first full day of school was him being picked up, kicking and screaming, and carried into the classroom. I know he'll be fine, but it stung a little.

It's overwhelming right now that I have to keep TWO schedules and sets of homework/paperwork in files and finished by the appropriate days. I had to come home and MAKE SURE that I know exactly what time to pick him up from school. I was getting all anxious that I wasn't 100% sure. I'm hoping that once I get a month or so under my belt I'll have it down and it'll be "old hat." I either need to get a big Mom board with schedule slots and keep it in the kitchen or I need a palm pilot type of deal that will remind me as things start to approach. Abby'll be starting Karate in October and I'd like to get her in Awana. I feel the "soccer mom" thing is about to slap my ass and say "giddyup, Christy!'

Not to mention that as I was leaving the school I saw other moms posing their child against different areas and taking their "first day of school pic." Way to go, Christy! Totally missed that one. *shrugging* There's always next year, right? Or maybe I'll get one of him when I pick him up...that'll do.

Stay tuned for the whole story...

Much of Nothing

I know the posts lately have been kinda boring. I've just had a writer's block, but more on the emotional side. I think of lots of things throughout the day that I could write about (if I had a laptop at THAT moment) and life really hasn't slowed down or become less interesting. I just get to the computer and watch the cursor blink, thinking "that will NOT be interesting to anyone else" or "they're gonna drive nails in their eyeballs if I make one more poop reference." Plus, by the time I get over here to the computer, after running btwn umpteen other things, someone around me is wanting something and knowing this I feel defeated before I even get started. And when I DO get to write for a length of time I just struggle to get the words to flow. *sigh* That sucks.

So I'm considering a guest poster, but whom shall I ask? I know a few people well enough to ask such a thing, but also several others who are great bloggers but I don't KNOW them well. Hmmm...I'll have to think on this one.

Do you think Dooce would guest post for me? Do you think I'd have the courage to ask?

We shall see...I'll think about it.

On another note...I'm reading a guh-reat book right now. It's called Twilight by Stephanie Meyer. I had been reading The Pact by Jodi Picault, but it was SO slow to read that it was a struggle, even though the storyline was interesting. Just as I was about to the end of it, my friend Karynda handed me this new book and said it was SO good. Later I thumbed through the first few pages reading it quickly. Half an hour later I knew I'd been sucked into la-la novel land and wasn't to return until the last page was read. It's wierd how when you're really into a novel you think about the characters throughout the day. Anyway, this Twilight is a love story between a teenage girl (I think it's from the teen section at Barnes and Noble) and a vampire, Edward Cullen. It's not so much about the vampire's life right now as it is about them falling in love and trying to figure each other out. It's a four book series, so I'm sure it gets more into the vampy life later.

For now I keep walking around the house saying stuff like, "it's an impossible relationship! She must realize that, right? It'll never work unless she becomes one of them! She wouldn't do that. Right?" I DO love falling into a great book. A nice side effect of sitting around, ignoring the things I should be doing is that Zachary now climbs into the big purple chair across from me and holds his Clifford the Big Red Dog book up, thumbing the pages with interest. Like mother, like son...I hope. :)

We felt like teenagers again

Scott's parents offered us a whole afternoon/early evening off from the kids so that we could go out alone. Woohoo!!! We were super pumped thinking about all the possibility. Then we got a call from the tennis club notifying Scott that the finals of his tournament were the whole day of our scheduled date, today. Damn it! *crossing my arms*

Then my MIL, Sandie, said "why don't you just take Christy with you and then go to dinner?" She didn't realize that it was way out of town and an all day affair, but it certainly got my husband all twitterpated. :) So we divised a schedule that involved both my mom and his parents watching the kids in shifts. Voila! We had ten full hours TOGETHER and without kid interuption. From the moment we got the go ahead from the grandparents we were both giddy with excitement. Scott had his best girl and tennis all day and I had my best guy and no kids all day. We figured that the last time we had this much time alone together was when we went for an Anniversary overnight four years ago.

I had such a great time with him too. Breakfast, lost a tennis match, dead battery in the car, jumped and off to lunch, won a tennis match, music, talks, long car ride. Every touch was deliberate and fully felt. Eye contact. Flirting. No kids screaming in the background or foreground. We were able to eat hot food w/o interuption and leave without picking up a bundle of kids and toys and crumbs. I was able to really watch him play tennis and I gotta tell ya...it just made him all that much more sexy to me. *sexy whistle* It was blessed time and we savored each minute.

We were glad to come home all the same and see happy kids and grandparents greeting us.

It was like old times though. Gave us a chance to remember who we were once, before all the chaos that consumes us on a daily basis. I'm delighted to report that we still LOVE being with each other and look forward to more of it. In fact, my mother said she had such a great time with the kids that she'd be happy to come back next week too. Whaaaat!? You bet!

It gives a girl great hope. Thank you SO much, Mom, Mom and Dad - from the bottom of our hearts!

First Days and First Birthdays

So Abby started Second Grade this year. She just amazes me how she just goes along with it all now and has no fears. This from the girl who when she was three WOULD NOT let you walk around the back side of the car to get in. She HAD to see you walk around the front and heaven forbid you leave her in the car for any length of time. It was an automatic vomit session from anxiety. But here she is...seven years wise and telling ME all about how school things run. She has this life completely outside of my control and it just amazes me. I can easily say that she's a bright child with great manners (outside of the house) and I believe the teachers are not blowing smoke up my bum when they say "she's a joy to have in class." Where DID that saying come from? Is there somewhere in the world where blowing smoke up one's bum is a GOOD thing?

She was the first one in the room that morning, so she got the pick her own seat and she snagged the one two seats to her left in the picture there. Right beside the teacher's desk. My daughter the teacher's pet. :)~

She had a great first day, so she said. I asked her what the worst part of the day was and she said, "I picked the desk right next to the pencil sharpener and EVERYone had to sharpen their pencils while I worked on my papers!" Hee hee. I guess if that's the worst thing then she had a pretty good day.













And then Miss Lilly Baker turned one this August! I had big shebang all planned...Angus burgers, ballparks, huge strawberry salad, boursin cheese spread, Strawberry Angel Foodcake birthday cake, a cooler full of drinks...I cleaned the house and everything. Let's celebrate! Three people showed up of the fourteen or so that were invited. Yea, nice. So it was an intimate celebration with the in-laws. She received a big bag of Gerber snacks from Gramma B, as well as a singing book and a little PDA/cell phone kind thing. She loves the phone looking thing since she can carry it around with her. Mommy and Daddy got her a couple of new Fall outfits and a My Little Pretty Purse that talks to her. Fun!



















It was a fun time and the whole point was to celebrate Lilly and so we did. Big girl that she is! Plus, more cake for us!

Oh, and a side note: do not bother with the bottles of Mojitos. I saw the case of Mojitos and was carried away by the thought of the bartender crushing mint in the bottom of an icy glass while skinny chick in the skirt kicked her hips back and forth...and thought...ooh, that's a good idea. Buy a whole case! Eh...not so great a taste and the party does not spurt out of the bottle when you uncap it. Damn it. Now I have a buttload of these Mojito bottles and no one to drink them with.

The boy who won't poop on the toilet

That's MY son.

It's been a wild morning! Zach shit in his diaper this morning at the gym. Gah! *holding my nose* Seriously!? Dude is three and a half and does not want to make an effort to sit on the toilet AT ALL. And yes, I made him wear a diaper b/c he gets no more underwear until he poops in the potty. I'm mad too that he pooped while we were there and missed yet another opp to get him on the potty. He was either naked or without underwear for a day and a half with no pooping. The gym had oh *tapping my chin* I'd say about forty little kids in the nursery, half of them bawling, and TWO workers. They were seriously overrun and the gal was looking at me like "please lady, get help!" I ran in, took a shower and came back. Then I stayed in the nursery and helped with the kids for about ten minutes, until I had to clean Zach up and by then the step class was over and the other moms came to get their kids. I guess they paged a few moms, but no one can hear it in the classroom. Kinda dumb considering most of the moms are IN the classroom. I'm thinking of talking with the manager at the gym. Time at the gym is MY time and I really need to know that my child is safe and well taken care of. The number of children is taking a serious hike toward the maximum number allowed in there and they are not getting more adult help in there. It's ridiculous.

So then we went to meet Zach's teachers for the first itme. All was going okay. He played quietly and shared and took his turn. Then we had to sit down in a circle and listen to the teacher, just at the same time that Zach found the headphones in the reading corner. OH and before this he got his head stuck in a toy garage he was running his cars in and out of. *laughing* Thankfully I got him out without having to alert anyone else. Big goofball! So ALL the kids except Zach sat in the circle and listened and said their names....and then there was me (with Lilly in the sling) trying to defend the reading corner, sweating my ass off and trying to force him into the circle.

There is ONE teacher who was really forthright with him, grabbed him when he needed to go in one direction and told him sternly to do what he was to be doing. The other one was a pussyfoot and then there's a third who is apparently in charge of it all. I had a talk with Mrs. Pussyfoot and explained our situation and that he needed to be dealt with strongly and she said they would make sure he followed the rules or go to timeout. I just chuckled a little and said "okay then, good." All the while thinking "You have no idea yet what you're dealing with here, lady." My only hope is that between the three of them they'll be able to reassure him that they are strong enough and he'll fall in line with the rest of the class. Oh, and I forgot to mention...there are SEVENTEEN kids in the class for three teachers. Seventeen three year olds in one room. Sounds like a recipe for disaster to me, but they must survive somehow. I'm hoping mine will too!

Of course, then we get home, get lunch underway and Zach goes over and craps his pants again. This time he has nothing to catch it (remember, no underwear) and he dumps on the floor. *deep sigh* Maybe this school thing isn't such a good idea after all. *shaking my head*

Stay tuned. Thursday we go for an orientation with the director while Zach will be on his own in the class for an hour.