Estrogen Euphoria

This weekend I met up with my college friends, Heidi and Amanda, to get away from our much too fast and furious lives and reconnect with each other. We decided to meet up in Sandusky and take a ferry over to Kelly's Island for the day. So...where to start?

I suppose the beginning. Saturday morning I was up and out of the house before the sun or my family was up. I got myself together, grabbed the bags and walked out the door into the dark morning. I kept having that nagging feeling that something wasn't right...I was forgetting something, it's too dark out outside, in an unfamiliar vehicle (I took Scott's car), I was almost...afraid to leave. It was SO queer. And yet I pushed on, got some gas, coffee and some cash from the ATM. Down the highway I went and popped in a homemade praise CD I made the night before. *sigh* This was going to be sooooo nice, I thought to myself, just getting away.

I made my way around 270 to 71 and began the 49 mile leg of the trip. It was still so dark out and my head was still trying to release itself from that nagging, cramping feeling of not being in my old routine. I kept saying to myself, out loud, "you are fine, Christy. This is going to be great. Scott has it all under control and anyway, it'll be good for us all to do this." The music was resonating in my chest, unusually loud for me but I had to drown out the feeling of unease. Then all of the sudden as I made a slow curve through some wooded area, the trees opened up and I could see the sun slightly glowing up the earth. *gasp* Oh shoot...I'm crying. What is going on? Ow! My chest is actually heaving, my lips are pulling back as I let go of this cry that must have been pent up for some time. WHY am I crying for goodness sake?! It took me by complete surprise as I listened to these worshipping lyrics that my heart was tearing open without my consent. I could hear in my soul God (I guess it was God? Or maybe my own conscience?) asking me "How do YOU know I am alive?" and even without blinking or catching my next breath I said "because you change me." *deep breathe* It was an awesome time alone with the Lord, the next hour or so. We talked, I praised, I asked forgiveness, I opened up my Pandora's box and let it all fly. And then I felt peace. Well, some peace. Even after I met up with my girls at Perkins, after getting lost for ten minutes (no thanks to "Dumb B*tch" my GPS lady), I was still wound tight and it took a loooong part of the day to just feel my body relax.

We got seriously run around Lake Erie trying to find a ferry that would take us over to Kelly's Island and then had to schlep a ways to find a golf cart rental place that was reasonably priced (I use reasonably priced very loosely). I'll bet we spent about an hour driving around and ferrying over to the island, but it was soo worth it. We just talked ourselves silly in the car, laughing out loud at the fact that if we had any of our husbands with us on this goose chase they'd have turned us around and gone home. We were feeling quite strong and proud of ourselves that we knew a great prize was at the end of the mild suffering. Isn't that the truth, though. It seems like SO many days are pure misery for me and I trudge through, begrudgingly or not, all the time in the back of my head knowing it has GOT to be worth some prize at the end of the day. Even if it's just kissing the sleeping heads at night or knowing that through my suffering or self-sacrifice these kids and my husband are going to be better off in the end.

So our big plan that we all three agreed on from the beginning was to hit the winery there on the island and taste some good wine. Come to find out it was four shot glasses with 2 tablespoons of four different wines. One kind made us gag, two were just alright and one was worthy. Funny though, I'm the odd girl out who likes white. So that was too quick and the bartender offered to whip us up the house Sangria pitcher and we said "heck yea!" A little Sangria...*ahem* okay, a lot of Sangria later I felt loosey goosey all over. We three old friends sat at a table with our pitcher and too expensive American cheese, tiny loaf of bread and grey poupon platter. Didn't matter to us though - we were together, having seriously deep and great conversation, broken with stupidly outrageous laughter and crude non-ladylike talk. I'm pretty sure we were saying "p*nis" and other choice words way too loud. At some point I realized that there was a preteen girl sitting at the next table and was lucid enough to know we'd better be more careful. So - we skidaddled out of there and went off to scoot around the island on our very slow (sometimes backfiring) golf cart. The island itself was very quaint and lovely. And several of the houses there were drop dead gorgeous! The whole feel of the place was family oriented and there happened to be two weddings there on the island that very day. Fun! The shopping wasn't all that though...not so great of stuff with much too high price tags. Apparently skanky crocheted halter tops and dresses are a cool thing to wear at the lake. I don't imagine there will EVER be a day that I'd be drunk enough to look at one and think it was a good idea.

So after we hopped the ferry and back to our roach motel. Oh yea, that was my big mistake. I booked the hotel online, basically sight unseen (based on a pic online) and I thought was getting the same hotel that Amanda had just stayed at. BUT, apparently, there are two Comfort Inns. One that looks and smells like ass and the other one clear on the other end of the spectrum, it even had a small nightclub in it. Good grief! After a little talk with the guy at the counter he was gracious and booked us at the other, nicer hotel. Thanks be to God - seriously! The other hotel's room had a door on the outside of the hotel (more like motel) and you could clearly see daylight coming in around the doorway. Plus as we were packing our crap up there was a shirtless dude hanging over the rail with a cig and/or beer just hanging out. *shiver* No thanks.

That night I think we all three slept like dead women. I went to sleep around 11pm and didn't move until 6am when Heid' got up to pee, and even then I fell back to sleep until almost 8am. There was no one to wake me up! You might think that my brain would wake up out of habit but it didn't. I woke up feeling awesome.

After a little coffee we went SHOPPING! Let. Me. Tell. You. We were having a GREAT time. No kids screaming, whining, trying to climb out of the dressing room stall. We took our time sifting through the racks and took our armloads into the dressing room TWO and THREE times! We got honest to goodness, critical looks at ourselves in the clothes and also had each other to comment on the outfits. It was uh-mazingly theraputic. And who knew I was a size 10?! God was definitely smiling on me. We spent the entire day (lunch aside) shopping our fool heads off, finding great deals and just spending a great amount of time on ourselves.

And before we knew it, it was time to go. So sad. And yet I know we were all three eager to get home to our kidlets and husbands, all hoping that they would be just as happy to see us. And they were. Heidi and Amanda got home to a new addition to the deck and a freshly painted bedroom, and my husband was smiling so hard I was fairly sure he'd gone a little kuckoo while I was gone. I was just as glad to see his face though. Nothing like a little time and distance to make you crave your spouse's face.

*break for shameless PDA*

Today I'm still on a high from being so steeped in estrogen and the lack of kids that it's carried me through several hissy fits and a poopie pair of underwear with a smile.

I did realize, while I was gone, that:

1) My husband is capable and NEEDS to be left with the kids more often (sorry, babe. *wicked grin*)

2) I NEED to make more time to be alone doing the things I love, outside of the house. I have been so wrapped up in the house and nearly to the point of depression. I felt like I was walking in circles more often than not and that whatever I did get done was useless b/c ten minutes later it was messed up again. Can I tell you how disgusted I am with the basement mess? Ugh. I could scream. So I need to remember to get away from the house and do things with my friends.

3) I am a really fun, funny and passionate person. I forgot about who I was. Well, not completely forgot, it was more a constant internal battle of being who I am and enjoying being around people against being me stuck in a rut in the house, crying about who I use to be and who I want to be again. I got out of the house long enough to let my fists unclench and my neck muscles to relax and I remembered...damn, I like me. This is the girl that Scott married and wanted to be with the rest of his life...not that haggy, whiney lady in the house. So I've decided to fight for myself. I'm going to get out more and meet people. Hell, I might take a weekend job waitressing somewhere. I always liked waitressing. Sick, right?

Gosh, this post has gone on sooooooo long. If you've made it this far you're a blog saint. :)~

There'll be more introspection from me later. There is plenty more! And I'll post some pics as soon as my girls send me some of our weekend.

Thanks for being so patient with me and sticking with me during my hiatus.