Back to the Roots

I was at the Y today with my friend Stacey and we had this interesting conversation with a group of older folks (I'd say 60's and maybe older.) This gaggle of older women padded into the hot tub after their arthritis class and one lady in particular was chatty. I can't even remember how we got to talking about kids, but I boldly asked them "so tell me ladies, how did YOU discipline your kids?" It was almost too funny b/c they all started chiming in and at the same time two older gentlemen joined us and chimed in too. At one point we had three conversations going at once, all the older folks saying "oh when my kids were that little ...." It was very cool! I've come to realize that I've been waaaay too scared of really getting control over my children. Oh I want the control but I'm not too crazy about the work/pain involved in getting it. I'm emotionally parenting my kids, afraid that whatever choice I make will be the wrong one or that it'll be uncomfortable for either myself or my kids. I KNOW that Scott is right when he says to put Lilly in her crib for awhile when she's inconsolable by me, but I'm afraid to. I've done it here recently and within minutes she's asleep or finds a toy to play with. So what happened here? I've created the monsters!? It is looking that way, but I also refuse to beat myself up. Every day is a new day to try something new/better. I watched a DVD loaned to me by my neighbor Christina. It's called "You're a Better Parent than you Think!" It's hilariously insightful and I wish I had watched it years ago. He talks about taking back control as a parent or gaining it from the get go. I can't even go into all the great tidbits I learned from it, but if you are still in the parenting years, esp the early ones...check out www.drray.com and get this DVD. It's worth the money!

A few things I jotted down so far:

• We discipline children because you cannot teach morals and values without it.

• You cannot second guess yourself and wonder if you're doing the "right" thing psychologically or else you lose confidence in your parenting.

• Know and live the core reality: I am the Mom and you (the child) are not.

• Ask yourself "what am I trying to teach them - what morals or values?"

• The rules of disciplining a preschooler are easy, it's the repetition that'll kill you. You have to be prepared to say and do something 50,000 times before it sinks in. e.g. The child will say "thank you" for receiving a treat or else the treat gets taken back.

• Be bold in your parenting even while others criticize you.

• Parent with ACTION not with words. Wordy parenting becomes loud, nasty and ineffective.

I've just come to realize that parenting is not for the faint of heart. You have to have balls of steel and not be afraid of your child. I think that's why fathers have better return on their discipline. They don't get involved emotionally. I was talking to Stacey about this today. We both discipline and then when our seven year olds stomp off to their rooms, we sit and project how "they must feel." Is she totally crushed up there? Was I too rough? Did I do it right? Was the offense REALLY all that bad or worth the punishment? Gah! It's complete emotional warfare. I think we're learning though. I feel more confident after watching that DVD, talking to my mom and also with friends. I'm so thankful that I have other mothers to do this parenting thing with. I'm also thankful that I don't have any naysayers in my corner. Oye! Almost time to go get my oldest from school.

Quick prayer:

Thank you Lord for all that you've been teaching Scott and I as parents. Thank you for the friends and family you've positioned in our life so as to lend advice and parenting tools, especially Christina and John at this moment. I appreciate them especially because they continually look to you for strength and guidance, and I can see self discipline in them. I crave that, Lord. I really want to be strong and dependable in all that I do, but especially in my relationship with You. Right now God, you know my heart, you see it all...I'm weak spiritually. I've not been seeking you out at all and I can feel it in every area of my life, and especially in my parenting. Lord, forgive my distance from You. I want to be back in your arms again where I find strength, acceptance and daily guidance again. Wrap your arms around me Father and pull me in close. I want our quiet time again and I will seek you. I will look for You and your blessings today as I love and guide my own children through their day. You are worthy of so much more than I ever could give you. I love you. Amen!