Parenting Stuff

Since going to this "Mom to Mom" class I've been trying very hard to accept my authority as a parent and use it. We've adopted the "obey the first time you are asked" rule in the house, explained it to both kids and are following through. So say I tell Zachary to stop banging the toy against the wall. He gets that one warning and then no more. If he does it again I walk over and get him on the leg with the paddle. We've had a little learning time, but for the most part he's getting it. Should he NOT get it and defiantly tell us "NO", which he's done several times this week already...I tell him to go to his room and wait for me there, I'll be up in a minute. Now when the mom told me this in class I thought, "there's NO way this dude is going to voluntarily go upstairs and actually wait. It's always a fight." But lo and behold, the first time I asked him to...he did it! Someone, somewhere was praying for me. So I then go upstairs with the paddle and calmly ask him to stand up and tell me what he did wrong. Now before, this dude would always say something like "um, maybe?" or give me some kind of nonsense talk. So again I argued in my mind that this would never work. And lo and behold, the first time and every time since he's clearly told me what he did to disobey. Whoa! So then I calmly explain that he was disobeying and that bc he disobeyed he has to be punished. The mom said that this experience is meant to be humbling for them, not terribly scary, so never wrangle them to the floor or bend them against their will. They are to bend over the bed submissively and take the punishment without a fight. Again, no way this side of heaven Zachary B is ever going to willingly bend over the bed for a spanking. And don't you know...this dude has done it every single time. Not always willingly, but I never spank him until he's submitted, bent over and ready. He gets three firm swats on his toosh and then he always turns to me with tears and we hug and love and I tell him that he's still my boy he just has to obey Mommy and Daddy like Jesus says he has to.

Now this goes against everything in my bones. I don't think any loving mom enjoys causing tears from her babies, but I've come to believe that God really asks us to teach obedience and respect to our children. If they don't obey and respect us parents, then what hope do we have that they'll obey and respect any other authority figure, especially God.

I first went through the method of grace based, non-punitive discipline, but frankly Zachary and Abby both just took advantage and could care less if I put them in time out, time in, bedroom time, five step method, etc. My children have responded to blessings, training and discipline with love, and that's just in two weeks. Then I struggled with "is this how God would treat me as an unruly child?" Do as He does, right? My answer is yes, but I'm not prepared to go into a detailed explanation in this post as to why. Just know that I've come to grips with it and it's working for us.

Don't you know, since taking back my authority as a parent and choosing that my house will be a parent-led home and not a child-led home...life has been a little more in order. I'm feeling okay about spending more time with my kids too b/c they are not constantly causing friction. I'm not saying that I have it all wrapped up in a nice package, I'm just starting the learning here. Gosh, the mom of ten who is leading this class said that only in the past few years has she felt like she had a handle on parenting. But so far, it's working and I praise God in heaven b/c just a month ago I didn't think I wanted to do this anymore since I felt like a huge failure at it. Not that quitting is ever an option. *wink*

Oh, and this is working with Lilly too, even at one year old. We couldn't ever leave the dog food and water dishes down, but I changed that when the class leader said your children should be able to live in your home with all of your things out on the tables. She said that this is part of the "training" stages btwn the ages of 1 and 3, when they don't really know the difference btwn good and evil but are able to respond to love and pain. So Friday or Saturday I put the dog dishes down and of course she went right to them. I stood there and when she touched it I said firmly but in a calm tone "No, Lilly." Then she stood up, cried and tried again. This time I flicked her hand and said sternly "No" and redirected her. A minute later she was right back there, just barely touching it with a matchbox car. So I flicked her hand and said no again. Long story short, it took several moments of training, but she got it. The dog dishes have been down all weekend and she's not dumped them or touched them since. *big grin* Yea!! Of course, Zachary at this age...I'd have spent the whole weekend flicking and finally giving up. That boy was relentless and exhausting, such a strong spirit.

So, that's the scoop on the parenting front. I'm encouraged and excited to see how we're doing in a few months. I wish all my mommy friends could come with me to this gal's class. It's been a life preserver in a turbulent sea for me.