(cupping my ear) Do you hear that? Listen. No? Me either! That's the silence that is when Zachary is not around. Woohoo!!! Peace and quiet and rest. I can suddenly hear the birds chirping outside and the gentle breeze blowing through the lush bushes outside my kitchen window. *deep breath and sigh* It's lovely. Thank you, Gramma and Papaw.
So what's the plan today? How are the girls and I spending our day without the little tornado whipping around? Well, we went to Barnes and Noble bookstore to use Abby's gift card she received way back at her April birthday. We could never go to a bookstore for more than a few minutes because Zach would have all the books unshelved and the choler of the over-educated sales people raised to a new level. {ha! Like that use of the word of the day from several days ago? *wink* Yea, Christy!} We slink through the children's section like lionesses on the prowl. I try desperately to ooze my excitement over the books and huge selection all over Abby, but she was like Rubber and I'm Glue...you know the rest. She could not peel herself away from the racks of "kit books." You know, the ones that have pretty, sparkley things in them. The ones you pay $20 for and only get a few sheets of stickers or a dangle bracelet that would inevitably end up on the floor or lost in a box. So after I sufficiently got the point across that we were NOT buying crap, but rather books she could read, we surfed through the book series and ended up with two Hannah Montana books (of course.) I tried to get her into the Beverly Cleary or Judy Blume or American Girl section, but the rot that is television has scarred her too deeply. And in true Baker fashion, once she had what she needed, she was all about getting out of there. All I wanted to do was get lost in the racks. Please, please, please...let me look at all the book. But alas...Lilly wanted down (I forgot the stroller!) and Abby was already in major whine mode. So I relented to them, trying to console myself with the knowledge that we are in save mode anyway, I could always get these at the public library and I really had to poop so that'd kill my surfing anyway. Bah...humbug. .60 cents later (thanks for the other $10, Christina!) we were on the way to the next stop...without Zachary screaming in the backseat.
So then we went to Hellmart (aka Walmart) to get a few essentials: stamps, sunscreen, a toilet seat and diapers. And of course all of these items are on the four different corners of the store, so what should be a ten minute stop turned into twenty-five.
I get my booty home, snarf down some lunch and head toward the bathroom to unleash what was certain to be a healthy one...and I remembered the darned toilet seat was broken. Frick. So I run back downstairs to get the new toilet seat, run back up to figure out how to get the old parts off and realize I need a screwdriver. Frick. Run back downstairs for the screwdriver and back up, unsnap the snaps that hold on the toilet seat (or what would be the toilet seat if we hadn't broken it) and there I saw something that disgusted me. Now, by no means do I claim to be a clean freak or really even a super clean person. It takes solid work and dedication for me to do what I actually get done around here. I hardly have time for anything extra. So I unsnap these plastic flaps and there sits this brownish-yellow goo that screams at me"Aaaah, daylight!!!" I actually sat back on my feet with a disgusted look on my face, thinking what the hell is that!? Sick! So I go cruising for my rubber gloves b/c there is no way this side of Heaven I am touching anything else without some protection. Again I have to assume the hunching position over the throne...flashbacks of Aftershock liqueur and a bar toilet tearing through my mind...and begin unscrewing these huge plastic bolts/nuts that are also caked in the putrid yellow goo. After a few *gags* I got them loose and there sat two round quarter sized pools of what I assume is years old pee and poo mixed with poo water. Is what they call Eau De Toilet? *gag* Nasty. So I grab the Clorox and a rag...and of course right then my nose and inner ear itched simultaneously and I had to fight the urge to scratch. IGNORE THE ITCH, Damn it! There's NO WAY I can touch anything right now. Thankfully it subsided and I could finish the task at hand. I cleaned off the toilet and grab the new ring, assembled it quickly and got the heck out of there. I'm super glad I did it all by myself but I just feel disgusting now. And although I washed my hands twice...I still feel dirty...tainted, if you will. Yuck. Honestly, if Mike Rowe wanted to come do my job (cleaning up puke, poop, brushing my wretched dog's teeth, wiping mystery gunk out of the bottom of carseats, etc) for a week it'd make for good T.V. I think. I never did get my quiet time in the bathroom, but what's new!
The girls and I are headed to the pool WITHOUT Zachary. It's probably shameful to be so excited that my son is away from me (God help me, I am) and I do hope they are having a great time, enjoying each other, but we most definitely are enjoying our girl time! I haven't had to say "get your hand off your wiener!" once today...yet. He'll be back in two and a half hours...and counting. *wink*
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