Saturday was a pretty rough day as far as Mommy life went. Scott was at a tennis tournament all day and evening, so it was just the kids and I. It seemed that everything was jumping on my last nerve and Zach was being more of Zach than ever before. So I started the holiday by myself by opening a bottle of Pinot Grigio as soon as they went down to nap. I turned on a girlie movie "P.S. I Love You" and cried my eyes out. I couldn't tell if I was crying out of sheer frustration with my job or if it was the movie theme (her husband dies and he teaches her how to move on through a series of letters sent to her after his death.) Either way I was venting like Old Faithful! I was a slobbering, heaving puddle of a mom. I yelled that I was tired and frustrated and overwhelmed and didn't know what to do and needed help. I felt weak and humbled and like I REALLY wanted to run back to a job outside of the home. My mind raced with regret and dizziness (mostly from the wine) all the time knowing I'd need to clean my act up within nanoseconds because at any moment either of the three kids would need me.
So I called my mom and blubbered my feelings to her, and bless her soul...she understood. She said "oh honey, it's okay. You're gonna be okay. These are normal feelings of a mom and tomorrow you will feel better and differently." I swear, as soon as I got it all out...I really did feel better. My head started to clear and I realized that I was not hardly in control around here and that it is MY JOB to be the temperature control of the house. I have been getting so frustrated with the kids and their emotions and needs that I'm showing it in my actions toward them, and thusly getting them all frustrated and just setting a big Crazy Cycle. That evening when Scott got home I went out and sat on the garage floor (it was quiet and I could look outside without being noticed by too many people) and prayed, "God, PLEASE...I'm humbled and weak AND I NEED YOUR HELP! Guide me, show me which way to go b/c at this point I want to run away from this big job."
Sunday was much better. Scott woke up with a frenzy and cleaned the entire house (vacuumed
everywhere, cleaned up the hot spots, did about five loads of laundry and put it all away, put the vegetable plants in the garden, etc.) He was amazing! He even came up with this ingenious way to hang up one of my unruly shirts that refused to stay on the hanger. This mega help around the house was just what I needed to jump start me back into my role.I went to church with a friend and the message was tailored just for me. The Scripture in the first point made me cry: 1 Chronicles 28:20 (Whole Chapter) Then David continued, “Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Don’t be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. He will see to it that all the work related to the Temple of the Lord is finished correctly. I am building temples here - three important holy temples and that's a huge undertaking. But God promises me that He will not fail or forsake me in this task; He will see to it that it is done right. Not in my own strength but in His. Phew! So my duty is to seek Him daily for my ration of strength and guidance. My friend Stacey also showed up on Monday with a CD called Finding Your Purpose as a Mom by Family Life Today. God just kept sayin' "I'm here and I hear you! Let me lead you, Daughter." Nice, huh!? Thanks, Big Daddy!
In other news - Zachary has become quite the escape artist. Just this weekend we've found him out front of our house without us THREE times. Once he was naked! The first time someone didn't quite get the front door shut tight (we have child locks on the doorknobs) and he went right on out to try and get in Gramma's car. The second time we came down from taking a bath and I went in the living room to dress Lilly. Suddenly I wondered where the other naked kid was and went looking. The little shister had ripped the screen open on the front window (it already had a small hole in it) and went right on out. I found him naked on the driveway trying to get in Daddy's car. Do you think he wants to drive or what? The third time he figured out how to
unlatch the gate on the fence by sticking his hand through the slats. *sigh* SO I had to go buy two padlocks to put on the gates. It's only a matter of time before he realizes he can climb right over though. So the plan is to be mucho attentive to where he is at all times. Not that we weren't before, but we felt like with the safety locks on the doors and him being in the backyard - we had a safety net there. All bets are off now though and we're on mega watch and play. If all else fails - we have a big roll of duct tape! Boys!
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