Tuesday, May 20, 2008

What Season is This?

I'm sitting here after a long night up and down with Zachary (and getting up with Lilly at 5:30am *yawn*) wondering what it is I am going to do. Who can I call? Who could come visit or who could I bug to visit them? Hmm...no one. I honestly have NO close girlfriends to just call up and say "hey, I'm coming over. I'm lonely." Oh I know I have a few people that if I said that to them, they'd be willing to change their schedule to accomodate, but I don't want that kind of visit. I just miss having a girlfriend or two who are in the same life season as me (kids, husband, craziness) that are willing to sit and chat and let the kids play together for a few hours. All of my girlfriends are in different life stages right now. The gals I raised Abby with are now on to the next phase of soccer, baseball, dance recitals, working on getting their careers back up and running...and *said through clenched teeth* vacations for the Summer. I am stuck back in diapers, naps, interupted sleep, crying kids and being stuck at home. I feel like a recluse. Yea, I have the YMCA to go to and I can always take a walk to the park, etc...but I'm lonely here. I feel like the girl at the bar who is sitting and watching the purses at the table while all the other girls are out dancing and having fun. *sigh* I KNOW this is just a season of life and the kids will grow and get easier to be with/go out with. I also hear that I'll miss this stage of my kids being young and I don't want to wish away this time. I guess I just miss having someone to do this Mommy thing with (Aside from my hubby, of course. He's always great to commiserate with, but it's different. Ya know?). I miss having a girlfriend to call, to ask if they are going through the same thing, if I'm normal in feeling this overwhelmed and tired, to look forward with, to drink a beer with, to just BE with. Actually, I miss being able to talk on the phone period! Has anyone tried to talk to me on the phone lately...it's ridiculous. All the screaming and constant "Mommy. Mommy. Mommy!?!? MOMMY!!!!"

Are you feeling me out there? Do I sound totally pathetic? Yes you do, Christy. :)~ Nah, I'm not pathetic. I'm just being introspective.

I just miss the community of girlfriends I use to have. I miss feeling that sense of importance while working out there in the real world. I miss being able to go to the store by myself and feeling freedom. I have a sense that this is just a season of life and it will pass, and that I should take it for what it's worth and enjoy it as much as possible. I know sometimes life gets quiet and God takes you out of the game so that you can realign yourself with Him and those most important to you. I just don't feel like I can get realigned or get quiet when I'm needed by three children on a constant basis. My nerves and senses are bombarded by them all day and night. I feel like I'm holding it together with coffee, make-up and hope. Hmmm...that's definitely an appropriate subtitle to my life right now. :) I know there are other Moms of multiple kids out there who are feeling the same way. *knocking on my computer screen* You out there, Internet Mommies? Anyone? Hello?

Well, my batteries on the laptop are low. Must go plug in and recharge. Better go do the same thing for my spirit. Where're my coffee and Bible?

Have a great day to anyone reading this!

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

When I feel lonely, I go to LLL. Invariably someone there is feeling as lonely as I am. lol. I've been trying to really connect with the women there and have lately been making an effort to get together with the other lonely mommies. It's been really nice.

You ever considered moving to TX so that your lonely self can come hang out with my isolated self?

Anonymous said...

I hear you. Have you checked out www.meetup.com? You can find groups of mommies in your area going through the same thing.

Lauren said...

uh, hello...i'm a mommy of ONE (3 yo) and i still (often) feel that way!! :shifty

Lauren (something glorious from GCM)